Valerie Bertinelli Opens Up About Love, Loss, And Lessons Learned

Mrs. Yvette Batz V 14 May 2025

Valerie Bertinelli has been through the ups and downs of love, navigating two marriages and a fizzled romance with ex-boyfriend Mike Goodnough. In a heartfelt Instagram post, the beloved actress decided to open up about the "mistakes" she's made along the way and the valuable lessons she's learned.

Valerie Reflects on Her Journey

In a candid moment, Valerie, now 64, shared her thoughts with her followers. "I’ve been on both sides of this, and I think I finally have some perspective," she wrote in a post on Monday, February 17. Valerie’s reflections come from a place of deep understanding, having experienced both the joys and challenges of love firsthand.

Understanding the Dynamics of Relationships

Valerie delves into the complexities of relationships, particularly when one partner feels hurt and wronged. She explains, "When you feel hurt and wronged and know you deserve an apology but are being stonewalled by your partner because they’re feeling shame, maybe this can shift your thinking." Her advice focuses on the importance of approaching these situations with empathy rather than criticism.

She poses an important question to her readers: "How are you bringing it up? Are you only pointing out what they’re doing wrong, being hypercritical, and expecting them to just fix it? That could be making things worse." Valerie encourages people to reflect on their communication style and consider whether it might be contributing to the problem.

valerie-bertinelli-relationship-mistakes — Courtesy of Valerie Bertinelli/Instagram

Change Through Empathy, Not Criticism

Valerie emphasizes that real change doesn't happen through criticism, shame, or pressure. "Change, real change, never happens through criticism, shame, or pressure. They most likely already feel all that," she revealed, adding, "I know when I mess up, oof, do I feel shame." She encourages people to shift their focus from what their partner did wrong to approaching the situation with empathy and understanding.

Her advice is simple yet powerful: "Instead of saying, 'You always do this!' Maybe try, 'This is how I feel when this happens, can we figure this out together?' That one small change can make a difference." By fostering a sense of teamwork, Valerie believes couples can work together to resolve conflicts rather than against each other.

Working Together as a Team

Valerie reminds her readers that relationships are about teamwork. "Then you're on the same team. You're not working *against* each other, you're working *with* each other," she said. She acknowledges that even when you feel wronged, it's important to remember that love is a two-way street. "Even when you feel wronged and think they should just know and do better," she shared, "I think we all just want to do better and feel awful when we’ve hurt someone we love, and shame prevents us from thinking clearly."

Valerie wraps up her reflection with a touch of humor, joking about her own love life. "Then again, what do I know. I have two failed marriages and fumbled the last true good man I met. Maybe don’t take advice from me," she added.

Fans React to Valerie’s Reflection

Some fans thought the "good man" Valerie was referring to was ex-boyfriend Mike, 54. The couple split in November 2024 after dating for 10 months. Fans expressed their hope for a reconciliation. "Hoping and praying you and Mike get back together," one person wrote in the comments, while another added, "That one good man might be willing to try again … just saying."